2005-04-28 @ 8:01 p.m. previous / next entry yum. chocolate! things are good. complicated? a bit. for me at least, which really means not very. i have different thoughts that go through my mind throught the day. sometimes i feel like im too old to be goofing off with my friends and just "cruzin" around wasting time. i think there was a point that i didnt want to do it anymore. but recently ive been doing that more often and i feel so unproductive... but its fun, no? and then other times i just enjoy having unproductive fun. because sometimes its just fun. i am beginning to see the light at the end of my school career even if its still only a dim glow. i feel like im burnt out on school. i need a vacation stat! i felt a bit unenthused when i started my Fall 2004 semester a year ago and that feeling has just multiplied to where now, i really want to just get away. i hope that a two week break, and then a month break, will get my study juices flowing again. because really, i enjoy studying. but i also feel im ready to start a career in something else other than "student". id like to know that im capable of making some real money. **** on a seperate note... *** the internet is such a drug. they should really teach about the dangers of internet-addiction to elementary school just like drug Ed. it should be part of the D.A.R.E pogram. DARE > to keep kids off drugs! ive noticed that whenever im faced with something that i dont like, i dont think is good for me, i dont want to be apart of, my reaction is to simply avoid. peer preasure make me turn the opposite direction. mass concensus makes me step out of line and just watch. when theres something i dont like, i move away. when i see touble i dont go digging, i go away. this tactic has kept me out of drugs, alchohol, smoking, and pregnancy. so in a way, ive never developed another coping mechanism. avoidance, or removal of the stimuli, has always been the easiest way for me. its easy for me to walk away. for some people other mechanisms are easier, and im sorry for those who are drawn into indulgence, cause that can really screw you over. but, for me, once i make my mind that im not going to be involved, walking away is simple. i think i could do it from anything i wanted if i really tried hard enough and i really believed it was the best decision for me. so faced with a stimuli where i dont think its good for me yet i dont want to walk away, i need to find another copeing mechanism that allows me to be apart of it yet not be indulgent. to seperate myself enough but not completely. i dont think ive developed that kind of control and frankly, i dont think i have it. if i dont think its completely a bad idea, i cant help but follow my desires of indulgence. any ideas? Have you expressed your opinion? Do so with Guest Book or Message Board!